she looked like the before picture.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
