so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
