I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
