Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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