Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
