you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
