I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
