He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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