getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
