My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
