By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
