I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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