we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
