think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
