After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
