So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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