I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
