does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he thought i was a dude.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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