nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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