Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
