Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
