Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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