Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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