I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
