Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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