I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
