Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
