I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
