Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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