fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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