I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
