walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
