i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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