The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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