DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize