He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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