Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
