whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Panties = found
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