Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
