STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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