I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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