apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
