she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
