PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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