We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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