This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
