btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
