I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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