best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
