Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize