im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
