So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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