I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
