Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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