I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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