Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
