She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
