i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
