i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
