Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
