Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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