we have pet lesbian snakes
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
