This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize