Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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