I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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